You know what nobody talks about? How freaking hard it is to be a stay at home mom.
Now, I’ll start by saying that if you’re a working mom, I ain’t here to take ANYTHING away from how hard it is to be a working mom. Cause that shits hard too. Ive been a full time working mom, a part time working mom, a work from home mom and now a stay at home mom. They are ALL different. We all battle different challenges with each of them.
But today we’re talking about the challenge that nobody talks about with stay at home mom life. The SAHM depression. And yes, I know moms out there battle depression aside from staying home and blah, it’s silly that I have to keep side baring to make sure I’m not making others feel less.
We all have problems, struggles, we’re here to survive mom life together, without judgements. Ok? So just blanket that we’re all here to support all mamas in all of their seasons. I’m here for you, no matter your situation.
But SAHM depression is the topic for THIS episode
I did a keyword question search. Keyword was SAHM, the search showed me a web of all of the top questions that people search for regarding that keyword. Here’s some of those top questions surrounding our topic today.
Crazy? Right? We turn to Google to 1. Figure out why we’re so sad all the time when we’ve got this dream job. 2. Validate those feelings. And 3. Figure how to get out of the dang funk.
I sure as heck didn’t know that SAHM depression was a thing before I became one. Post partum depression? You bet, been there. But when I first starting staying at home, it was great. Like woohoo, I’m finally free.
But after the new freedom feelings fade, I started to struggle. I felt like I was just flailing around, no routine, no motivation to do a whole lot with all of my new freedom and not to mention the overwhelm of now being solely responsible for everything in the household (except the finances).
I kept telling myself that once I got into a routine, things would get better. But they got worse and I kept flailing, I tried reaching out to other SAHM’s, tried to schedule play dates, to get out of the house, to be around other moms that maybe had these same feelings but I would always bail last minute.
Its hard to explain how you feel going through it, but I just felt sad. Sad about I don’t even know what. Sad about feeling insignificant? Worthless? Sad about not thriving like I see all of the other SAHM’s?
And it’s like we have this dream job where we get to stay home with our kids and we can take naps all day, blah blah. But it’s tough, it’s a different world actually being home. It is amazing, I will say I love it. But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about going back to work.
I had mentioned to my husband that I was struggling to get my footing in this new role at home, get into routine and structure that I thrived on when having a job. A job that brought in money.
He and I had to remind me to not measure myself in money, cuz if you add up all the jobs we do, our partners couldn’t afford us anyways. I mean we’ve got - maid, chef, nanny, teacher, laundry attendant, chauffeur, hooker, etc. Hahah but for real, being a SAHM IS A 24/7 JOB, we don’t get to clock out at 5pm, although some days I do try to run for the hills right when my husband gets home.
But I remember one night, we had a date night scheduled just to go out to a movie. I showered, did my hair, wore a strapless bra and a cute romper. I needed it, even though we were going to sit in a dark room for two hours. Even looking all cute, I still broke down in tears before we left for the movie. No specific reason, just not feeling good about me.
When you’re low, you’re low. No matter how hard you try to push the feelings away. I think that’s the night my husband realized this wasn’t just me being out of routine. So we started talking about it more and he would check in with me more on it.
I knew I needed to talk to someone, but of course it’s just the hardest thing ever for us moms to ask for help. Im here to tell you - that if you’re struggling - ask for the freaking help. See a counselor, call your doctor for a recommendation, find an online counselor or app. Whatever you need to do, there are tons of resources out there. At the very minimum, talk with a partner or a friend that will be there for you every step and check in with you often. This isn’t something that you talk about once to get it off your chest and poof it’s all better.
I personally went with online counseling, which is where I learned that SAHM depression was a real thing. Identifying what I was struggling with helped me navigate through it. I wanted to stop locking myself in the bathroom for those midday cry sessions, I wanted to stop feeling bad about me, to feel good about the work I was doing being home for our kids and our family, I wanted to find my purpose again.
That’s exactly what you’ve got to do is stop focusing on all of the overwhelm, leave your working life behind, start focusing on the little things everyday and how much of an impact you’re making at home.
And do something for YOU mama. You need your own outlet to feel good for YOU.
If you haven’t been picking up, what I've been putting down. You’ve got a few things within my journey to take with you today to help you if you’re struggling. To recap
All of this is easier said than done, trust me, I get it. But nothing changes if nothing changes.
If you need some extra support, be sure to join our Free Facebook Club - Surviving Mamas, we’ll be doing a t-shirt giveaway next week ;)
Check in on your SAHM friends! This isn't something we talk about enough, and going through this experience was a huge pull at why I started this podcast. I don’t want mama’s to feel that they’re alone in going through these things.